10 giveaways that I’m British

1. I feel the need to comment on the weather on a daily basis, regardless of the fact that Singapore is 1 degree off the equator, and as such, is always, quite simply, ‘hot’.

2. When a live crab escapes from its box, breaks free of its bindings, and makes a bid for freedom out the supermarket doors, my first instinct is to pull out a camera, rather than assist in the fervent attempt at recapture.

3. I get mortally offended by use of the word ‘soccer’, but apologise profusely for using the correct term, in case it’s misunderstood by others.

4. I felt far too little shame in spending my first hour in South East Asia catching up with Downton Abbey at the airport. It was entirely justified by the fact I had lots of luggage, and time to kill before I could check in to my hotel.

5. I felt absolutely none when I did the same, arriving back in the same airport a month later, after 4 weeks of sporadic Malaysian internet.

6. I find it difficult to contain my revulsion of Hello Kitty as a thing, not just for small children (awful, but excusable), but for the public at large. Middle aged professionals adorned in Kitty memorabilia is a line that should never have been crossed.

7. When there’s a choice, I will pass over even ‘luxury’ squat toilets in favour of a western one. A luxury squat toilet. That’s not really even a thing.

8. I spend far too much time attempting to explain that sarcasm that has inadvertently dripped from my mouth is not straight fact, by which time the lowest form of wit has become entirely wit-less, and it’s just one big mess.

9. Saying ‘sorry?’ 3 times then laughing or agreeing -usually both- and -either way- hoping for the best, is just how I make it through the day.

10. I continue to feel ashamed of any vague association I have with tourists wearing socks and sandals, despite the fact that socks and flip-flops is a thing here, which isn’t even remotely practical.